Anxiety: A Personal Reflection

The cover image is St. Dymphna, the patron saint of those struggling with depression and anxiety.

Last post, I spoke about anxiety, and yet, I feel my heart is still troubled.

I am currently in the middle of a job transitioning to a much more fulfilling job, but the pay is less, much less.

On top of that, I found a new job opportunity as a youth minister leader I applied for at a very close Catholic church.

I feel myself being consumed with doubt, my boat being tossed up and down through the rough waves of the sea.

I am filled with much doubt and anxiety, and I see Jesus is sleeping in my boat, and of course, I try to tell him, “Lord, I am desperately afraid. I have student loan debts. I don’t know if I can survive off of 20,000 a year, health insurance, and now a new job opportunity. But, I trust you, and help me trust you.”

Yet, there are times where I can’t help but cry in fear and sadness. I apologize for being so honest with you, my dear reader.

There are so many uncertainties in life, and I don’t willing consent to my anxious thoughts of the unknown.

All I do want to do is to serve God and to serve others. Yet, these real-world concerns fill me with fear and dread.

In these times, I try to muster as much strength as I can, feebly pray with a scared heart, “Lord, there are so many concerns, but I trust you. Help me to trust you.”

I’m often reminded of what Saint Joan says, “Act, and God will Act.” I know she’s up there looking after me because she doesn’t abandon those under her banner, but I am filled with fear.

I ponder what St. Joan thought when the Burgundians captured her. What feelings ran through her heart? I know, in the end, she trusted the Lord, but she was also human. Was she afraid? Was she scared that she would be sold to her enemies?

However, she always accepted the will of God. That is the approach I must take—one step at a time. One breathe at a time.

The world is filled with trivial things that dominate our lives: debt, job security, companionship.

Yet going through this unsteady time, I realize that we can all agree on one thing we can all agree on.

Nothing is ever really secure.

It’s a human fallacy to think you are safe. The only thing that keeps us safe is God. And his safety is, at times, not our vision of safety.

Peace onto you, brothers and sisters. May St. Therese and St. Joan watch over and pray for all of you.

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